Wolves ride luck in derby stalemate

Wolverhampton Wanderers 0 v Birmingham City 0

Back in October I waxed lyrical about a diminutive Italian called Diego Fabbrini. Playing in the red of Middlesbrough on the afternoon of the 24th he ran affairs on the pitch and was instrumental in Boro’s 3-1 victory. I said he should be playing in the Premier League not knowing that he was on loan from Watford, so was nominally already doing so. He either fell out with Aitor Karana or Middlesbrough didn’t rate him because in January of this year Birmingham and presumably manager Gary Rowett forked out a sum of £1.5m to secure his services. I say presumably manager Gary Rowett because, somewhat like Joe Mason at Wolves, Fabbrini has spent his time since signing warming the bench.

I can only conclude that there must be a clause in both players’ contracts stating that before they can make a contribution on the pitch they must first undertake an NVQ in Bench Warming. It’s a qualification not to be taken lightly the main tasks being 1. To negotiate the steps into the dugout. 2. To place one’s gluteus maximus into a Recaro seat (minimum 60 minutes). 3. To respond to verbal requests from the manager to warm up on the touchline. 4. To run up and down said touch line and carry out various leg stretches (as far as is reasonably practicable). 5. To respond to a verbal request from the manager to return to the half way line. 6. To sprint onto the pitch whilst pointing manically at teammates and issuing instructions from said manager. Eight weeks of that and you’ve passed your City and Guilds Part I in Bench-warming. I’m currently reading Red or Dead, David Peace’s account of Bill Shankley’s time at Liverpool. I don’t think Bill would have kept million pound players in NVQ purdah.

As for the game it was about as exciting as a City and Guilds Part I in Bench Warming. A dull and soporific first half followed by a slightly more exciting second half, most of which involved Birmingham City squandering chances. The first to squander was Jacques Maghoma, who shortly after his introduction on 55 minutes found himself one on one with Carl Ikeme. But his control let him down and he was smothered before he could get his shot away. The second to squander was Clayton Donaldson who on 72 minutes found himself one on one with Carl Ikeme. Rather than stop to compose himself he turned and shot in one movement with his left foot. His left foot is not a strong suit as he dragged the shot wide. The third to squander was David Davis who, on 82 minutes created space in the box. In fairness to the one time Wolves midfielder his squandering was more down to the brilliance of Carl Ikeme, than the inadequacies of his strike, which was well saved from eight yards.

As for Wolves squandering was not something with which they were particularly troubled. There were none to squander. They could have done with Diego Fabbrini.

These are strange times at Molinuex. Joe Mason has long since qualified as a City and Guilds Bench Warmer yet is overlooked for the willing yet goal shy Bjorn Sigurdarson. Kevin McDonald, Wolves most creative force, appears in line for a prolonged period of bench warming. Recent signing Michael Zyro has returned from injury yet fails to convince. And Bright Enobakhari, who in his twenty five minutes against Cardiff did well, has all but been forgotten.

Wolverhampton Wanderers are not going up. Wolverhampton Wanderers are not going down. Wolverhampton Wanderers has an academy. It is time to see whether there is anything in it.

Wolves: Ikeme 7, Iorfa 5, Batth 6, Hause 6, Doherty 6, Coady 6, Price 7, Saville 6 Byrne 5 Sub Zyro, Sigurdarson 6, Helan 6 Sub Mason

Birmingham: Kusczak 6, Caddis 6, Morrision 6, Spector 6, Grounds 6, Gleeson 6, Davis 6, Cotterill 6, Kieftenbelt 5 Sub Maghoma 7, Donaldson 5, Toral 6

Attendance: 21,464

Referee: Darren Drysdale 8

©Mark Brennand